I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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