everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
