If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
