I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
