I wannas sexs uuuuu
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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