Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
