apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
