im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was confusing and full of hummus
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
