did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
