The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
