the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
