I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize