Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize