I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
