Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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