Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
