What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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