So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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