sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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