my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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