You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
