Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
