Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
