his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
