a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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