he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
