So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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