Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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