Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
