New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
