So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
