is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
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