I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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