are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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