No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
