soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
