My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
