So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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