Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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