saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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