covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
