Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
