I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
