I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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