Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
