I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
