My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
