Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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