making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
