Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
