dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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