nut hugger
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
