We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
