nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
its not stalking. its research.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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