Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
