I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
