You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
