She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
