Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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