Me. At least after what I've been through.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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