worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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