I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
