Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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