Already got asked if we're dating
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
