just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
