What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize