11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
