Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize