ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
