her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize