Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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