So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
