I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i out mim tonsoeep
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