my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
