Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
