i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
